A Modest Proposal

My Fellow Americans,

I come before you today with head hung low and not with smiles, not with arms raised in triumph but with pain not unlike the pity inspired by a young Muslim’s wasted martyrdom, or the pang in the heart of an allied soldier at giving the deathblow to a German youth or perhaps even the killing of confederate soldiers in the fields of valley forge.

It is never a good to see the death of another human being no matter what the stakes. We are a nation ultimately of people, are we not, all striving for the same feeling of relief and peace for our family and ourselves. No one wants to be a solder and certainly no red-blooded American values anything more then the fair and equal treatment of other human beings. It is at the heart of our constitution, our bill of rights and above the teachings of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.

Never-the-less, you have elected me your commander and chief to do a job. I have been elected by a time tested, free and fair process to serve each citizen’s interests accordingly and right now, the message you have been sending is loud and clear. That message is that you do not feel that equality. That you do not feel fairly treated. You work, contribute economically to the community, you have struggle each day and yet you walk through our cities, the pinnacle of American progress, in fear. It is enough that since September 11 of 2001 we have had to suffer the burden of irrational Islamic extremists pushing war into our faces. It is enough that our sons and daughters must die defending our way of life against a people clearly devoid of logic, moral character or humanity. No, beyond all that, here, within our own borders, Americans must be under constant guard that their hard-earned gains will be taken from them, if not their lives, by immoral uncontrollable thugs.  No more.

And let it not be said I do believe in equal rights, my friends. My tireless efforts in the fight for rights of the unborn have made this clear. But when my life and the life of my children are being threatened each day by ever more brazen supercriminals and thugs, lazy slackers considered only with their base needs, action must be taken to put such threats down for good. More even then terrorists, more then the economic threat of pitiable but no less accountable illegal aliens, these sad characters, in their dress, their culture, in the disgusting pride with which they strut through our streets, are beyond help.

I do not speak, of course, any particular group in its entirety, as we have seen many examples of the advancement American’s of all religions, casts and sects. But for too long we have given a pass to those of a particular history, naming them as a “special case” or deserving of some “extra sympathy” when over and over they disappoint, destroy and degrade.

The question, of course, is how to separate the wheat from the chafe.

Well, my fellow Americans, science has finally managed to give us an answer. After tireless study and years of tests, we have finally isolated that spark within man that pushes him to dominate another to his own injury and it has, at last, confirmed our suspensions.

For the sake of our lives and that of our children’s, the Jewish race must die.

It is not without a heavy heart that I say this and to some the irony must be staggering.  And yet, even a Christian such as myself can’t argue with the science. Throughout the secular community the evidence has been building of a genetic confirmation of the original sin, a final admittance to inability of man to make a better life for himself. Ultimately, just as told to us in Genesis, “the inclination of the heart of man is bad from his youth up.” Built into the very fabric of us, it seems, is an inherent inability for all of humanity to rise together to the perfection that god intended.

Nowhere is this more apparent then in the Jewish race. In their repeated rape of our workers, the heartless evictions of the elderly and hard-working families by greedy slumlords, the moral degradation of their media outlets and their boastful, opulence of lifestyle: these are patterns that have made themselves known generation after generation and no more, my friends, no more can we allow it to continue. No more can we allow their selfish, hyper-capitalist culture to crush the weak, hard-working citizens of our great nation and continue to turn our culture away from decency.

We are, of course, not barbarians. It is the flesh, after all, and not the sprit of man that is at fault. Thus, I propose a controlled, much more targeted repeat of the prison and inner-city sterilization programs of the 2020s. Unlike the unfortunate collateral damage of that no less necessary effort, special attention will be taken to ease our country’s transformation into a more tolerant society. Treatment centers will be provide to those that fail a mandatory genetic sequencing test, where each subject will receive all hormonal, behavioral, and genetic therapy necessary to remove the Jewish characteristic. Cosmetic surgery will be provided free of charge to further protect subjects from scorn after their transition. As long as all involved understand the importance of this step to the preservation of American as a whole, the Jewish trait could be irradiated within a matter of months and with minimal lost of human life.

America has been built on hard work, sacrifice and, ultimately, destiny. Our determined rise from the great depression. The crushing of the communist threat worldwide in the face of recession. Our near-irradiation of the Iranian directorship and continued battle in face of retaliation here at home. The tragic lost of life in the inner-city sterilization programs and the character of Americans even then in joining together to do what needed to be done to protect our nation from fear. It is a narrow and cramp road we travel. But trust that, as we have been told from days of old, it will lead to paradise. It will lead to our salvation.

Testing will be done on a neighborhood-by-neighborhood basis. You will receive notification soon of when medical staff and military personal will be arriving in your town.

Thank you all and God bless America.

President H.W. Rilthe
June 19, 2033

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Jonathan Swift wrote the original Modest Proposal in 1729 in response a run of 18th century government projects for eliminating poverty in Ireland, in most case by using the very current practice of viewing people as commodities of the state. After listing exhaustive reasons why eating poor children was the most logical solution to poverty, he addresses his critics this way:

Therefore let no man talk to me of other expedients:…Of utterly rejecting the materials and instruments that promote foreign luxury: … Of introducing a vein of parsimony, prudence and temperance:…Of quitting our animosities and factions, nor acting any longer like the Jews, who were murdering one another at the very moment their city was taken: … Of teaching landlords to have at least one degree of mercy towards their tenants

Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and the like expedients, ’till he hath at least some glympse of hope, that there will ever be some hearty and sincere attempt to put them into practice.

But, as to my self, having been wearied out for many years with offering vain, idle, visionary thoughts, and at length utterly despairing of success, I fortunately fell upon this proposal, which, as it is wholly new, so it hath something solid and real, of no expence and little trouble, full in our own power, and whereby we can incur no danger in disobliging England.

This update of the original was inspired by the polls on immigration reform, the slow subtle decline of humanity in the movie “life is beautiful,” and a conversation with a young light skinned hip-hop head who told me the only way to stop rappers was for the government to kill them. It’s nowhere near as funny and probably half as clever as the original, but once again ease of societal dehumanization is the core idea. It is saddening how easy it is for people to blame the problems of the world on those that have the least power, that are the most different.

Then again, today an African American man swept the caucus in the nations whitest state. Perhaps for once the time for hate, blame and dehumanization is ending and those ” vain, idle, visionary thoughts” is finally here to take its place. Until, let us not forget the gruesome consequences that result from a society’s lack of will to change.