The Hot Lines: Baby Poem by Ainsley Burrows

Ok, so this one is call I want to have a baby:

I want to have a baby
but not a normal baby.

I want to have a designer baby.
I want to have….I want to have a prada baby.

A baby by coco channel.
Eyes by versace, hair by pantene pro v swatch teeth windows xp intel pentium chip exceleron processor, not a smart baby…
no…
I want a baby with breast implants.
A botox baby with 22 inch rims and leather interior.

Gatorade blood, nike swoosh, red bull logo baby I can donate to charity. Not a baby that cares…
no.
I need a baby that’s a trend.

I need a baby that comes with a cash back guarantee.

I need a baby with a website,

with a cd burner,

a vintage, post-modern digital voice recognition quartz movement heart baby with a retirement plan. I need a baby with 12 different ringtones.

I need a  baby with call-waiting
and text messaging…

A glossing over-priced over-hyped made in Indonesia with slave labor baby I need a baby that will give me the light and pass the drowwwww….

I need a baby that blazing hip-hop and r-n-b. I need a baby that hangs out with…

Jay-z.

I need a baby with a black album.

I need a baby with a white album.
I need a baby with a grey album. I need a baby, that’s not even a baby. I need a baby I believe is a baby because the baby went platinum.

I need a Che Guevara baby. I need a baby that believes in revolution.
No.
I need a baby that believes in nothing.
I need a vegetarian, tofu-eating baby.
I need a fat-free, low-carb, high-fiber baby. I need a baby with nuclear potential.

I need something. I need anything…

I need something,
Something
to keep me distracted.

Something to keep me from feeling other peoples pain.

Something that can keep me thinking this is the best humanity can do.

I need a baby so I won’t have to deal with reality.

________

Ainsley Burrows is a fantastic poet out of New York by way of Jamacia…or is that Jamacia by way of New York? I’ve never quite got that expression…

Anyway, Ainsley is a master of playing with is audience’s assumptions, switching from obvious laugh lines to slightly uncomfortable images (no….I want a baby with breast implants) in perfect sequence. He will have you laughing with guilt. You can check out the live recording this was transcribed along with tons of voices from the spoken word world on the Indiefeed podcast.